In my experience, men often have trouble coming to terms with their feelings and inner-turmoil. Expressing yourself is never an easy task and when it comes to sharing how you feel with others, too often have I seen men shy away from an opportunity to allow themselves to live their truth.
Here are a couple of themes that I’ve found within my sessions over the years:
1. Remember guys need time to sort out feelings. Don’t interrogate him with a barrage of questions. This causes confusion and gets him off track. Call for a “Time Out”. This works well and gives everyone a chance to calm down and sort out feelings.
2. It is helpful to have a vocabulary for feelings list for him to identify the feelings he is experiencing. Feelings underlie actions so the ability to identify and express feelings in a productive manner go a long way in preventing misunderstandings and blow-ups. I will add a list in forthcoming content.
3. Show appreciation and gratitude for his efforts and the things he has accomplished. . Guys like all of us like to know they matter and are important. Optimism and praise go a long way.
4. A safe environment encourages transparency. Don’t chase him down and demand answers. This will always escalate the situation. Stop and listen. Don’t make assumptions or jump to conclusions. Wait to understand what he means. When he knows he won’t be judged or criticized he will be more likely to express himself.
5. Remember guys see themselves as “fixers” and problem solvers. They will always be operating under that mentality and will automatically attempt to figure out what is wrong and what to do about it. When they don’t know they feel defeated.
6. Take a special time for you to be together at least once a week for a “Shared Good Time”. Something to look forward to. This is defined for just the two of you to be courting each other again. This time is for focusing on good times , good memories, plans , dreams, etc And don’t be a dream killer. Let your imagination go. It’s good to express your heart felt wants and needs. This forms a bond. Absolutely NO negativity. Have fun. Put cares aside. Humor goes a long way. If there are issues. This is not the time for discussion.